Cat Bearding How To (Not) – The Cat Tells All

Cat Bearding How To (Not) – The Cat Tells All

Hi guys! I’m the cat. My name is Sassy. I hate Cat Bearding.  Most of my feline friends, they hate cat bearding as well. Why must you humans keep forcing this silly meme upon us?  We do love our humans. We also love to torture the dogs. We love catnip and a clean litter box. And, to be left alone, mostly. This is my story… and I’m sticking to it.

Cat Bearding How To (Not)

First, let’s get this out of the way. I don’t like this new trend… Cat Bearding. I mean, really? Who thinks of this stuff? Why would you want to place me, in all my dignified glory, up to your mouth and pretend I’m your beard? I have claws. They hurt you when you try to make me look silly. But yet, there’s this whole fad where you try, try, try… I get it, your friends and all of Facebook laugh. It gets you some attention. But, I’m right here rubbing on your leg. Ready, willing and able to give you all the attention you need! Who needs cat bearding when you can simply run your fingers through my soft fur? I’ll puuuuur and let you know you are loved. For those who insist, let me give you some pointers –

• Place kitty on your lap.
• Face kitty away from your face (claws!)
• Stroke kitty’s soft fur under neck.
• Hold kitty up to your face. Nose to nose (you look ridiculous!)
• Quickly grab your smartphone, which is really a dumbphone since it’s not warning you that you look ridiculous and will soon be scratched. Snap that coveted selfie.
• Once is enough. Less is more my friends. Don’t try that again. Thanks.

There, now that’s really the best cat bearding advice I have. Other than don’t do it. Will you just look at how ridiculous my humans are trying this? Let’s talk about stuff I do love.

I love, love, love my humans! And not only because they feed me. They get all the itchy spots I have a hard time reaching. Also, they give me this stuff called ‘Cat Nip‘. WOOT!!! Hello! This stuff is awesome. I can tear up the toilet paper roll, jump from the couch all the way to the top of the window blinds, streak through the house at lightening speed knocking stuff over and torture those dogs all in about 3.2 seconds. Now that’s what I’m talking about! Get your kitty’s on ‘the nip’ as we call it. It’s a good form of exercise, or that’s what we like to tell ourselves anyways. I give kisses and allow them to pet me, they give me ‘the nip’. Win /Win.

This guy, his name is Bugsy. Silly, right? He is my arch-nemesis. I love to tease and torture him! I know, you’re saying ‘Awww…. he’s just as cute as those ridiculous cat bearding photos’. Trust me. He is a bit evil. He will not stop smelling me! I don’t know why. Maybe it’s ‘the nip’ he’s smelling. Jealous much ole Bugs…. ?? I tease him. I lay on the boys awesome Pirate bed. He can’t jump up here with those short stubby legs. He’ll sit there all day waiting for me to get down. It’s wicked fun to listen to him whine. Don’t judge. Way more fun than cat bearding! Because…

Yeah, this totally happens. Every.Day.All.Day. So gross! Mom went shopping at Sam’s Club the other day. She picked up some  Fresh Step with Odor Shield. And not a second too soon either. Because, obviously! Fresh Step uses a natural method with cat litter. By using chlorophyll as a natural filtering agent, Fresh Step cat litter can trap more of the yucky odors that those other brands leave behind. They use carbon based filters. Not good at all you guys! Fresh Step also includes essential oils! They are safe for me and my kitty pals and kill harmful bacteria left in the litter box. I’m really hoping for those crazy dogs it helps keep the stink breath away longer too. Honestly, we try to tell them to stop. Just don’t do it. Like… cat bearding! It’s just wrong. They don’t listen. Oh! Also,  when you buy Fresh Step OdorShield at Sam’s Club, you earn double Paw Points! Paw Points can be redeemed for some seriously cool stuff for me and my furry friends! Hurry though, you have to register your point by 10/31/13!

Ok, shameless self promo. I have the most awesome eyes ever if I do say so myself!

So, did you learn anything about Cat Bearding? How To, why NOT To? How about keeping your liter box smelling good?

TRUTH: Have you tried cat bearding yet?